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The Farting Incident

September 29, 2009





Autumn, behind me, burst into restrained giggles and slapped her hand over her mouth. Lawson, in front of me, cocked one camo-clad cheek to the side, did a little shimmy, and let it rip again.




“Lawson!” I exclaimed. “Stop!”


The forty-ish couple studying paint samples beside him pretended not to hear, but the tell-tale pause in their conversation gave them away. Ahead of all of us, Duane was steadily shaking his head as if to say, “I’m not with them.”


“What?” Lawson turned back to me with a grin. “I had to pass gas. Grand-daddy always says not to hold it, or it’ll make your belly hurt.”


To punctuate his explanation, he blupped again. It’s really hard to be irritated with a blupping child. A blipping child with a dimple is even harder.


“Stop it, son,” Duane said. The other couple had given up and were laughing freely now, stifling their sniggers in the paint chips.


“You don’t fart in public,” I instructed.


“But if you absolutely have to,” Duane added as we walked on, “you do it silently, without making a big production out of it.”


“And then you make sure to walk away really quickly, so nobody knows it was you stinking up the place.”


These are the important life lessons, people.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Barbara permalink
    September 29, 2009 2:26 pm

    that is funny!!!!!

  2. September 29, 2009 4:24 pm

    It IS hard to be mad when they do that. I wonder sometimes if I’ll ever grow up enough to not giggle over bathroom humor!

    My dad had a ‘fart walk’ which gave him away every time. It still makes me smile to think of that.

  3. September 30, 2009 9:58 pm

    I am still laughing at this one! Ah, and Duane…a keeper of that secret wisdom which only a father can provide.

    Thanks for sharing your embarrassment; it was nice for me this evening.

  4. hintonrae permalink*
    October 4, 2009 1:07 pm

    I’m glad yall enjoyed that. I will subject myself and my family to any and all embarrassments, anytime, to amuse anyone. 😉

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