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Letter to Santa

December 9, 2009

Lawson’s teacher sent home a photocopy of this “letter to Santa” written in class a few days ago. It’s difficult to read because it’s a reproduction, but it says, in painstaking print and cringe-worthy invented spelling, “Dear Santa, I hope you bring me a bow. I no that you are rele. I hope that you bring me a skateborde. I like you becuse you give me lots of toys.  your friend, Lawson.”

All together now: awwwww.

This is the reason, folks, that not only do we participate in perpetrating the single-most elaborate fraud in world history—we embrace it. “Dear Santa. I no that you are rele.”

I began getting signals this year that my eleven-year old, Autumn, was clued in to the non-existence of Santa. There was the near-miss in Tennessee after the Black Bear Jamboree when Lawson thoughtfully inquired, “was that the real Rudolph?” and Autumn snappishly replied, “no, doofus, there is no real Rudolph!” She quickly recovered at my I-will-kill-you-dead look, though, and added—“at least, not outside of the Arctic circle before Christmas! Those are helpers, just like Santa’s helpers in the malls.” Not to be too helpful, though, she continued, “don’t you know anything?” After all, she is only an older sister.

Later that night, Lawson safely ensconced in a separate cabin with his grandparents, I decided to explain a few facts of life to her. It was time. She was growing up. I mean, soon she would be hitting puberty and everything.  I nonchalantly perched on the edge of the couch, and tried not to twist my hands nervously in my lap. “So, Autumn. It’s time we had the Santa talk.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

“So. Okay. I’m getting the impression that you don’t believe he exists?”

“Duh!”

“Well…” I took a deep breath. “You’re right. Your father and I have been buying your presents all these years. But don’t worry. We’ll still buy them—“

“Mo-om.”

“What?”

“So, are we, like, going shopping tomorrow? Do I get to pick out myown Christmas presents?”

Man. Talk about an easy button. Somehow I didn’t think it’d be that easy with Lawson. “Yes, no, and if one word of this leaks out to Lawson, I will return EVERYTHING I’ve already bought you. And don’t even think about sneaking around trying to find them, either. I will know, because I have psychic Santa powers that are given to every parent.”

“Goodnight, Mom.”

“Love you.”

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. December 9, 2009 9:27 am

    I remember when my oldest came home (in the 2nd grade!) asking if what his friends at school had told him was true. Was there no Santa? I told him that Santa brought gifts and those who didn’t believe would no longer get any.

    That took care of that. Santa talk averted. Somehow, though, at the age of 16 now, I think he’s on to something…

  2. December 9, 2009 4:04 pm

    i tell my kids the EXACT SAME THING. santa will buy gifts to those who choose to believe. i tell them that i am a believer in gifts and santa and all things merry and sweet! they love me. 😉

  3. Anaise permalink
    December 10, 2009 7:26 am

    In an effort to not have to have that talk, I followed the wisdom of a friend, and shared the Santa game with my kids. I say, “Santa is a game–will you help me play it?” They help fill each other’s stockings and they must play the game correctly (i.e. not run around telling other kids). They happily reveal who put what in the stockings on Christmas morning, but a few items magically show up that “no one” put there. It’s amazing how badly kids want to believe because my kids still believe he’s real, and whenever the older ones start to ask questions, “Is he real, Mom?” I say, “Uh, uh, uh! You must play the game! If you don’t play the game correctly, there won’t be any presents!” And they look at me funny, then walk off shaking their heads–wondering . . . and confused.

    I’m wondering if I’m doing more damage this way than I would to do things traditionally.

    The good part is that packages can arrive in the mail or I can bring mysterious bags home from the store, and all I have to say is. “Don’t ask! It’s part of the Santa game!” So I get my Christmas shopping done right under their little noses.

    May your sweet boy believe as long as possible.

  4. December 10, 2009 5:19 pm

    The husband’s parents had him going for EVER because every time he’d question them all, “Did YOU buy the Santa presents?” They’d say no.

    And they never did. That was his grandmother’s job…and he apparently never thought to ask about her…

  5. Lori permalink*
    December 10, 2009 9:11 pm

    Gerb–I’d say he’s probably figured it out, but he doesn’t want to hurt his momma’s feelings. 😉

    P&M–I’ve always loved the “believe and receive” rout.

    Anaise–what a clever way to perpetuate the spirit of Santa! I’ll have to bring Autumn in on something like that this year–it’ll make her feel so adult.

    Jessica–Now THAT’s funny. I hate to think what yall end up doing to your kids. 😉

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