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Lunch Bunch

January 6, 2010

We had a hysterical little episode at lunch the other day. It’s really one of those “you had to be there” things, but it’s really too funny not to tell.

We’re sitting there, eating our soup and sandwiches and Oreo balls, and generally having a great time. “We” is the monthly lunch bunch—all of us blessed with great senses of humor, great kids, and a driving need to get together once in a while to vent and stuff our faces.  J is dishing the scoop on who used to live in S’s house many years ago. “They were crazy,” she says. “Absolute loony tunes. They moved in, and stuck up these ‘This House is Protected By’ security signs—you know, to ward off the ‘Bad People’. It made no difference that they didn’t actually have a security system. The signs were enough. And then they lined their windows with cacti.”

“Another security measure?”

“Yeah! And then she invited me to this Tasteful Treasures party, and like a dummy I went, thinking it was Tastefully Simple…”

We all started howling.

Anyone who’s ever attended this kind of party, whether by accident or intention, knows that feeling of “dear God, what have I done?” upon walking in and seeing the consultant cheerfully demonstrating her collection. I could describe those tasteful treasures, but I think I’ll leave them up to your imagination.

“To make matters worse,” J continued, “since I thought this was FOOD, I invited my mother-in-law.”

The howling grew louder.

“Fortunately, she couldn’t come,”

“Umm. Maybe she should have gone.” Eating my soup was useless at this point.

“I mean, if you could just see everything this woman had strewn from one end of the room to the other…I know my face was just about as red as it gets— ”

“Well…” S is speaking, earnestly, quietly, as she usually does, and the table falls silent to hear her. “It is a great swingset.”

For a full three seconds silence reigns as our brains sort through her statement. Swingset. Tasteful Treasures. S? REALLY? WHOOWEEE!

My downfall is eye contact with I., whose sense of the absurb is about as bad as mine. We start to snort. Then the table roars. I grab my napkin and pull it over my face just in case I start blowing chunks…don’t want anyone to get hit by anything offensive.

S looks startled for a minute, then sheepish. “No! I was talking about the swingset in the backyard!”

“Sure you were!”

“Uh-huh.”

“The truth shall set you free, S.”

“Bet that’s an interesting conversation with your kids… ‘mommy, can I use your swing?’”

Lunch is never boring with my girls.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. January 7, 2010 1:22 am

    Um… I had never heard of Tasteful Treasures and so I googled it. I thought you were talking about some type of home decor… and now, I am simply speechless.

    People do HOME PARTIES to sell that stuff? And they can actually get people to SHOW UP?! Just… wow. I’ll just be climbing back into my little Utah Valley bubble now. 😉

  2. January 7, 2010 1:49 am

    Could be worse…they could ask to use daddy’s hammock…….. 😀

  3. Lori permalink*
    January 7, 2010 10:44 am

    Uh, YEAH. Only in the south, huh? I have a friend who had a bachelorette party with one. It was hysterical. A HOOT. You just gotta bring your sense of humor and your poker face…

  4. Lori permalink*
    January 7, 2010 10:45 am

    !

    Now, there’s an image I didn’t need before caffeine.

  5. January 7, 2010 12:06 pm

    I’m a westerner like Gerb – never heard of Tasteful Treasures either and had to do a search…. OK, then I really got the joke!

    Too funny! Wonderful post!

  6. Lori permalink*
    January 7, 2010 12:25 pm

    It must be a thing for us repressed southern women ;)…it was definitely a moment.

  7. Kristi permalink
    January 10, 2010 12:05 pm

    This is the one I had to miss…*#&#^$%$&^#&*@

    And we’ve already discussed the party J went to last year, right??

  8. Lori permalink*
    January 11, 2010 5:08 pm

    I know, right? It just needed you….

    I’m trying to think which party that would’ve been…??

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