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The New Christine

January 26, 2010

Every time I’ve answered my cell phone during the last two days, the conversation has gone a little something like this–

“Hey, Lori, what’s—-am I on speaker?” (People can’t stand being on speaker phone.)

“Yup. Sorry.” (Shouting into the phone, because I’m just not very talented at speaking on speakerphone.) “I hit something a couple of days ago and I can’t figure out how to turn it off.”

“You can’t turn speakerphone off?”

“Nope. I tried every stinking button on the phone. It doesn’t like me.”

And that’s the truth. I am cell phone impaired. Granted, it’s a new cell phone, and I don’t have a clue where the manual ran off to, but still. How hard is it to figure out how to turn on and off speakerphone? When I tried the button that seemed promising (it had a picture of a little megaphone–hello–the display said: SAY A COMMAND.

I said: NO.

The phone didn’t like that very much, so I gave up. That was yesterday, and I have since suffered through another full day of uncomfortably hollered speakerphone conversations.

Until tonight, when out of sheer desperation I pressed the same megaphone button again. This time, taking pity on me, the display read: SPEAKER OFF.


My phone is now officially named Christine, just so you know.

Betwixt awkward speaker conversations, I did manage to have a somewhat productive day, though. I managed to get several recipes posted that I’ve been meaning to post for quite some time–Winter Beef Stew, Potato-Beef Soup, Creamy Tomato Soup, Strawberry Cream Pie, Layered Mexican Dip, Macaroni and Cheese, Buttermilk Pie, Mother Smith’s Famous Dressing, Apple Stuffed French Toast, and a great Banana Pudding recipe. Enjoy.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. January 26, 2010 11:58 pm

    Oh boy can I relate to this only my phone is named, “Stupid.” It’s the only four letter word I can use in front of The Natives and even then I get the, “You said the ‘S’ word mom!!!!” If only they knew……

    So, I had to take Stupid to the cell phone guys in their little booth at Cost-Co and I told them to tell Stupid to Shut up!. Another four letter “S” word. I was in a real snit that day….

    Thankfully, the guys in the little cell phone booth must be used to people like me because they just smiled when I told them that Stupid kept saying, “Please say a command.” And I would give it a command. Another four letter word telling it where to go and it just kept saying over and over, “please say a command.” Apparently it wanted different options. Stupid couldn’t take the heat.

    I was so glad when they finally fixed Stupid.

  2. Lori permalink*
    January 27, 2010 9:10 am

    Oh, Rachel, I am laughing so hard. I think God must create personality Doppelgangers and place them at strategic places around the globe…

    And if our kids knew half of what we really wanted to say they’d be running and hiding…

  3. January 27, 2010 9:23 am

    I know huh! Cuz could you imagine two living next door to each other? Oy Vey! My neighbors have their hands full with just one of me!

  4. January 27, 2010 11:15 am

    you ladies are a crack up. sounds like you need to get the free-super cheap-lame-only a couple of options phone that i have. no bells. no whistles. and no possessions. very un-evil and slightly un-cool. oh well.

    i yell when i am on speaker too! also, i can’t handle the call waiting feature…if someone is trying to call me while i am on another call…i panic.

    “OH..UH…HOLD ON! I HAVE ANOTHER CALL!!!!” i yell at the person who i am talking to who is usually in the middle of a sentence. sad, but true. i have learned to ignore the beeping noises all together. i wasn’t meant to use call waiting. 🙂

  5. Lori permalink*
    January 27, 2010 11:38 am

    Misty–You have to remember: I taught high school, therefore, coolness is a must. It is now forever ingrained in my personality. The more bells and whistles, the better. Who cares if I don’t actually know how to use them? I have an eleven year-old…she’ll figure it out for me. And if she can’t, the seven year-old will. 😉

    And as for call-waiting…let’s just say when others hear that tell-tale disruption in the conversation that signals a call coming through, they just sigh and say, “you wanna call me back?”

  6. Lori permalink*
    January 27, 2010 11:38 am

    We’d be the middle-aged holy terrors of the neighborhood.

  7. January 27, 2010 2:20 pm

    Is this cell-phone-haters anonymous? Hello, I am Gerb, and I also hate my phone. (Hi, Gerb!)

    I think that the manufacturers of cell phones make it so that just when your contract is almost up, something happens so you will want to upgrade. My battery life is at about an hour when fully charged. Drives me batty. I don’t want a new phone.

    And don’t even get me started on what happened when I tried to change my volume. Not only was I on speakerphone 24/7, it was turned up loud enough that half the city could hear my conversations. I tried to fix that sucker for 3 days before my 16-year-old boy played with it and fixed it within a minute.

    And he doesn’t even have a cell phone.

  8. January 27, 2010 2:54 pm


  9. Lori permalink*
    January 27, 2010 4:50 pm

    (laughing) My Razr, which I actually really, really liked (I know some people can’t stand ’em) just up and died after almost 2 years a couple weeks ago. No warning, no nothing. Croak, choke, cough, caphooey. Dead. So I was forced to get a new one, which really stunk (stank?) because they couldn’t even transfer my contacts. So I’m sitting here receiving texts from people I don’t know and replying: “Uh, yeah…who is this so I can save you in my contact list again?”

    I’m so relieved other people have the same problems. It’s so nice to feel normal.

  10. Lori permalink*
    January 27, 2010 4:51 pm

    Louise! (is this when we’re headed over the cliff?)

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