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The Great Debate

January 27, 2010
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Carrying on the White Family Tradition: Autumn's Spike

When I was in college, I took a public speaking course hoping to cure my fear of *public speaking*. It didn’t actually work, but that’s another story for another time. For my really big speech, which had to be to a “hostile audience,” I chose to debate HUNTING. You see, I had been dating my husband-to-be, Duane, for roughly a year, and he’d tossed me into the deep end of the beauty of hunting. That would be ill-fitting, camouflage, stinky deer pee, deeply disturbing on all levels deer estrous, calls that sent shivers down your spine and made you clench your back teeth together in sheer agony, toe-numbing cold, and insanely early mornings (I mean, for real–who gets up at the butt-crack of dawn except the completely, tee-totally insane? Or the completely, tee-totally In Love?)…among other things.

    Lynchburg College was plumb full of ultra-liberal children of ultra-liberal parents who knew next-to-nothing about hunting. They had a Polaroid instant capture in their minds of Elmer Fudd tripping through the woods. “Shhhh. Be vewwwwy quiet. I’m hunting wabbits.”  Or the evil hunter killing Bambi’s mommy. They never stopped to consider statistics such as the near uncontrollable deer population that wreaked consistent havoc with autos on the highways and backroads. They were ignorant of organizations like Hunters for the Hungry that enthusiastically accepted donations of deer for people that didn’t have enough money to put meat on the table. They were ignorant of the nutritional value of venison, and how it was a lifestyle choice of many individuals to consume it rather than beef and other meats, just like our forefathers. I was on fire to do my presentation.

    And it actually went rather well, if I can reach that spot on my back…I don’t know if that class still retains any of the information that I spit out at them, but they asked tons of questions, and seemed to absorb everything in an accepting manner. On comment sheets handed in later, many indicated that I’d changed their perspective regarding hunting. Mission accomplished.

    I was hurtled back to this memory when Duane came home not too long ago and related an absolutely hysterical tale about an encounter with an elderly lady in a Chinese restaurant. It’s one of the benefits of growing old, I think, that you can say just about anything you want to–and this woman certainly didn’t hold back. I was proud of my husband, too, for showing his maturity in humoring her. He’s finally grown! 😉

    One afternoon, Duane and a friend from work went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. They sat down to eat at the sushi bar, where you can order meals or sushi. A few minutes later, an elderly woman came and sat down right next to them.

    While sitting there and eating, Duane took a call from his father about picking up a gun rack.

    “You want one of those two-gun racks?” he asked, and a moment later put away the phone. He was interrupted almost immediately by the woman.

    “You ain’t one of those…hunters….are you?” She made the word sound dirty.

    “Oh, no, ma’am. Not me.” Duane lied, choking back a laugh. Beside him, his friends did the same.

    “I just don’t see how anyone can kill a little animal…can kill a little deer,” the old woman sneered. Duane looked at her plate, which held all sorts of different meats.

    “Well, are you one of them vegetarians?” Duane asked.

    “No, I’m not a vegetarian. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy eating meat…”

    “Okay, well…”                                                                                      

Lawson's 10-pointer

    “I tell you, those deer, they’re smart animals.”

    “Yeah, they’re pretty smart.”

    “No, I mean it. They’re really smart animals.”

    “Yes, ma’am.”

    “I’ll tell you why I say that. I had this deer, this old doe, come in my yard with her two babies. It was a momma deer, and her two babies,” she continued.

    “Yes, ma’am.”

    “I’ve got a fenced in yard, and I feed ’em bird seed. That deer come in my yard every couple of days. So I opened my door…not the screen door, mind you…but the regular door, and I talked to that deer through the screen door. Now you may not believe this, but that deer was smart enough that she knew what I was saying. Now I told that deer, ‘Now you bring your young ones back here in my yard, and you’ll be safe. And you go get your husband and bring him back here, too, and then you and your babies and your husband can all be safe in my yard.’ And I leave the leaves down there in my yard so they can lay down in the leaves, and have somewhere to sleep, and I feed ’em…”

    “Yes, ma’am…you weren’t in that movie…you know that movie that was on a couple of years ago, where the guy was talking to the animals and the animals were talking back to him?”

    “Ahhh…I don’t believe I saw that movie…?”

    “Oh. I just wondered if you were in that movie. Cause the animals were talking to the guy. The animals could talk.”

    “Oh. No.”

    “Did that deer say anything to you?”

    “No. But it understood me. It wasn’t very long before she brought her husband in my yard, and they stayed there for a while.”

    “Right. How do you know that this deer was her husband? Did he have a wedding ring?”

    “No. But he dropped his horns in my yard and left them for me.”

    “How big were the horns?” Duane asked, unable to resist.

    “Oh, they were just small. But I tell you, these people that kill these deer, and say ‘Oh, I’m killing them for sport and all, or I’m killing them to eat’…Don’t nobody eat no deer!”

    “Well, some people eat the meat. Some people kill the deer, and they give them to people that are poor, and don’t have any money…”

    “I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that for a minute. They’re just killing them for fun. Just to get their horns, and put ’em up on the wall, and look at ’em.”

   “Well…that’s terrible.” Tongue in cheek.

   Duane’s friend spoke up at this point. “I kind of like looking at the horns.”

   “Well, you ain’t nothing but a dummy. Just a big, heartless dummy, and you’re just trying to compensate.”

    The woman continued her diatribe, but on such topics as Obama, Tiger Woods, and Men. Stay tuned for her words of wisdom on men tomorrow. It’s priceless.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. January 27, 2010 9:38 pm

    What people need to know also, is that:

    If it weren’t for the harvesting of deer, they would become so over populated, that the vegetation and landscape would suffer. Then they would become diseased and die a terrible death. It is actually kinder to have them harvested to eat than it is to have them suffer and die, since they will all die anyway.

    God Bless you Duane! Way to go Autumn and Lawson!

    Can’t wait for future installments!

    p.s. I was raised so country that I didn’t eat turkey for Thanksgiving till I was married and living here in Sin City. I thot turkey was the most boring meat I’ve ever eaten! LOL! We used to always have game that the step dad shot… never knew any other way. It didn’t hur-ur-urt me! 😉

  2. Lori permalink*
    January 27, 2010 10:08 pm

    Very true, Cee. That was one of my speech bullet points, too. It can be such an emotionally charged issue, though–it’s difficult for people to see past the good and reasonable perspectives.

    I didn’t realize you were so country! Something we have in common…;)

  3. January 28, 2010 11:26 am

    Oh this is delicious! Can’t wait for part two!!!

    Grew up on deer meat, antelope, moose, ……….your post took me back to the days of sitting long before the sun came up, my toes so numb if they fell off I wouldn’t know because I couldn’t move or make a sound or I’d scare off all the deer!

  4. January 28, 2010 1:08 pm

    oh. my. heck. that woman. your husband. !!!! oh…i am just….oh!!!

    speechless.

    on a more serious note…let’s see if our new found blogging friendship can bear it: i have tried my hand at being vegetarian. i have my opinions on that. but here is the thing…i really enjoyed reading this…i honestly didn’t know this stuff….and i know a lot of stuff 🙂 (totally kidding….) oh, sorry, i was trying to be serious…uh…let me try again: thank you for trying to teach us city folk about things like deer population and the like cause honey, the only good view is a balanced one. good information equals good balance. good for you!!!! 🙂

  5. Lori permalink*
    January 28, 2010 8:00 pm

    Yeah…meant to do Part 2 today, but got a little sidetracked with the whole IPad thing. It’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

    I’ve been there, done that numb toe thing. I have a post somewhere about being doused in doe pee and set out in the woods as part of the courting dance. Soooo romantic. Those were the days.

  6. Lori permalink*
    January 28, 2010 8:10 pm

    Misty, Duane’s friend texted him during his conversation: “I can’t believe you’re keeping a straight face through all of this.” He has an unbelievable sense of humor–it kills me.

    And of course our blog-friendship can bear a little agree 2 disagree! My younger brother actually did the whole vegetarian thing for several years before he conceded defeat. He then did the whole no-sugar, organic food thing, which I actually tried to do with him, but then we both had to concede defeat. Now we just eat. I try to eat reasonably–ixnay on the excesses, all around–but I don’t really banish anything except brussel sprouts and beets from my diet. And since it’s been a while, I may give the brussel sprouts another chance.

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