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Held Hostage by Hormones

October 14, 2010

I have decided that television, particularly the news and Good Morning America, are just not good for consumption by pregnant women.

I’m serious: I can’t stop blubbering. From feel good stories to those tinged with horror, I am a whimpering mess. The other day it was the story about the Kelly Elementary School shooting. The heroism of those three construction workers—their willingness to put their own lives at risk for those kids—how could I not get teary?

Then it was Zahra’s story . These were tears of anger. How could anyone abuse a child, let alone a hearing-impaired child with a prosthetic leg? I mean, honestly. Did it make you feel big?

And of course, no cry-fest would be complete without the Chilean mine rescue . What an amazing story. 69 days, 700 meters, and 33 men, separated from family, and light, and clean air. Simple things, that we take for granted every day.

I feel like such a cry-baby. The catalyst doesn’t even need to be a “real” event. I got teary just yesterday watching Castle. Castle was having a hard time with his daughter being in love for the first time, and she leaned into him and said,” You’ll always be my first pick for date night,” or some such hokieness.


I’m just going to chalk it up to hormones. Bad hormones.

They had a hand in scaring me senseless this week, too, when I experienced some bleeding after using the bathroom. I looked at the blood and lost it. I believe I was half-hysterical when I called the doctor’s office, although I tried to hold the phone away from my steadily hitching breath. They calmed me down, told me it would be okay, and that they’d leave a note for my personal physician to see how he wanted to handle The Situation.

I hung up, lost it again, and then lay perfectly still for the rest of the night, afraid to move lest I jar the baby loose from a precarious hold.

The next morning the doctor’s office called me back. “Dr. P. said you could either wait until you see him in two weeks to have an ultrasound, or it would be okay for you to have one this week.”

Umm. Hello? Wait two weeks? Has he lost his mind? Does he not understand that I’ve sort of lost mine? I needed an ultrasound YESTERDAY.

The earliest they could work me in was the next day. I agreed, hung up, and cried some more.

I had, by coincidence, a “nurse appointment” that afternoon, during which you are interrogated as to your lifestyle habits and choices, and made to empty your veins and bladders for various lab testing. The first question the nurse, a motherly-looking older woman named Kay, asked me, was if I had had any problems.

I hate to cry. Hate it with a passion. And yet, as I explained my bleeding situation as she wound a blood pressure cuff around my arm, tears just started leaking. Again.

She looked intently at me, and asked when I was scheduled to be looked at. Upon hearing that my appointment was not until the next day, she hmmmd in dissatisfaction. “I think they were just really busy,” I offered. She was on the computer, punching buttons, but paused to pin me with a pointed stare.

“That’s no excuse. That’s.No.Excuse.” she said firmly.

“No, ma’am.”

In moments, she was shuttling me back to ultrasound, where within ten minutes I was able to see the Peanut’s heart beating strongly, a small white blur in the midst of its slightly darker form. And yes, I started crying again.

It was exactly on time in terms of size and development, and fortunately for husband, there was just one peanut present.

My diagnosis, handed down a bit later by a doctor, was that he saw no evidence of impending placental abruption and I instead had a “friable cervix.” Essentially, a friable cervix during pregnancy means that it is engorged with blood vessels and is easily irritated as a result. The bleeding is almost like an abrasion. Oddly, this was actually reassuring news. It usually even goes away by the second trimester.

And that, folks, is your over-share for the day.

13 Comments leave one →
  1. October 14, 2010 9:51 am

    Oh Lori! I can only imagine your fear/anxiety over the situation. I’ve not gone through that myself but recently did with both my sister and my niece. My poor sister lost twins would you believe! She miscarried one but was relieved to find out the other was okay and then the next week………… So sad. A month or two later she was pregnant again! With twins!!! And the roller coaster began again as she once again lost one of the babies…….. Happy ending, she was able to keep to full term and deliver a beautiful chubby baby girl.

    My niece at almost the same time went through the same thing. Had a very hard time getting pregnant, started bleeding only to find out she was pregnant with twins and lost one of them. Months later, full term, she delivered a healthy CHUBBY baby boy.

    I just love happy endings and am so glad your little peanut is okay.

    As for your emotions……. better just plan on lots of kleenex and chocolate for the next few months and then some more when the baby comes and you start the whole after baby post hormone emotions. 😀

    If I were near by I’d bring you a bunch of chick flicks like “Miss Congeniality” and comfort foods and take care of you.

    Hugs to you from UT!!

  2. October 14, 2010 9:54 am

    Okay, did that just come across as a pregnancy horror story? You know the ones. Where when you are pregnant everyone has to tell you about their most horrific delivery…..

    I totally did not mean that to come across that way……… I meant them to be happy ending stories.

    Shutting up now and hiding under my bed……….

  3. October 14, 2010 10:21 am

    So sorry for your sister and niece’s losses, but so glad everything worked out okay. Thank God for babies. I wish you were near–love Miss Congeniality! Chick flicks sound awesome right now.

  4. October 14, 2010 10:22 am

    Don’t worry…they were happy ending stories.

  5. diane permalink
    October 14, 2010 11:51 am

    oh Lori, I’m so sorry! the good news is, the hormones WILL level out 🙂 and you’re right, watching the news is not a good place when you are hormonal.

    So sorry about your scare but I am glad you got some comforting news out of it. my last pregnancy was one scare after another – bleeding throughout the entire term with no real reason behind it. I had an amazing NP who was supportive and reassuring through the entire ordeal and I still thank her for it.

    enjoy the rest of the pregnancy 🙂

  6. October 14, 2010 12:03 pm

    1. SO grateful everything is okay. What a sweet ultrasound picture. *Sigh* What I wouldn’t give. So happy for you.

    2. Love that nurse you had. Yeah for fabulous people.

    3. A little disappointed it is not twins, but I’ll be happy for your sleeping sake.

    4. Sobbing on the couch last night as they pulled up the second to last miner and he was reunited with his wife who had given birth to their daughter while he was underground. Good grief, I was a mess. And because I was sure it would help my mess, I stayed up until every single one of those men (rescue crew included) were above ground and safe. I need help.

    5. Held Hostage by Hormones? Oh my word, I think I’m going to have to change the name of our family blog. My husband would most likely be fine with it, as he is always about the truth. Being diagnosed with PCOS a few months ago was awesome. Me and my hormones, oh it is a lovely combination.

    6. The end.

  7. October 14, 2010 12:37 pm

    I’m so glad to hear that nurse took over and made sure you had an ultrasound now!

    What a wonderful little picture! Just to know your baby is alive and safe is such a soothing balm.

    Will be praying for your hores to stop moanin’ as my hubby puts it….
    Hugs and Kleenexes for you!!!

  8. October 14, 2010 3:45 pm

    Oh geesh. I actually cried at this post!!! No hormones going on…I am just a cry baby. And I had to laugh. You just have that affect on me.

    Well. I love the nurse. Give her a kiss for me the next time you see her.

    I had the same thing happen to me with baby 5 and 6. And actually baby 2, but I didn’t even know I was pregnant with baby 2, so I just thought I was finally having a period. I was young and oblivious. Not so with the last two. I didn’t want to move or cough or…yes. Same deal.

    Now baby 5 and 6 are throwing pillows at each other as I type.

    Keep hanging on babe. Those hormones are such stinkers.

    Kiss Kiss to You. 😉

  9. October 14, 2010 4:59 pm

    You’re right it is the hormones that is making you cry. We all need a good cry every once in a while. Except for the Chilian miner who had both his wife and mistress at the rescue. Now that was down right funny ;o)

  10. Anaise permalink
    October 15, 2010 8:13 am

    The nurse was right–there was no excuse for putting you off like that. I’m so glad your story had a happy ending and that you’re off to a solid beginning. I’ve had gobs of miscarriages, so I know your fear–I know your fear. I also know your relief–so very, very well.

    Go ahead and cry when you need to. You’re not alone!

  11. October 17, 2010 2:39 pm

    Glad you were able to get the ultrasound for a bit of piece of mind. Here’s to bright days ahead…

  12. October 21, 2010 12:32 am

    So glad that everything was ok!!! I TOTALLY understand about the emotional wreck we women can become during different stages in our lives, I am going through one RIGHT NOW and am personally sick of crying at the “Pedigree” commercials.

    Here’s to knowing that everything will be ok!!! Have a great week!

  13. November 8, 2010 7:19 pm

    You know…I knew I remembered responding to some comments on this post. I guess I didn’t realize I hadn’t responded to ALL of them, though…I’m so sorry!

    I really appreciate all of your well-wishes and encouraging stories. It’s always been a blessing of blogging that everyone has and shares such identifiable and inarguably intimate moments. It’s a reassuring common ground, those “I’ve been there’s” and “it’s going to work out’s…”

    All’s definitely well that ends well, for sure, and I am feeling much more relaxed these days. (12 weeks! Woo-hoo!)

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